Heavy in Your Arms Chapter 13: The Letter
by laurah1236
Summary: Alessandra has to face her past after discovering Michael had written her a letter before he died.


"Aless" greeted me Michael opening his front door after my knock. His smile was heart-warming, everything about him was. He looked at me with those eyes you could look into for miles on end and still unravel more to him. He looked at me like he hadn't seen me in ages, like I was this huge sun revolving around his life. He gave me way too much credit.

"Hey...nice hair cut?" I replied tooken by surprise on his latest hair style. It was just a bit shorter than the usual, and cropped more of his black curls around his face. But either way, there wasn't a way for Michael to not look attractive, from his hazel eyes, to his dark curly hair that complimented his light complection, to his perfect jaw and body to add on to it. But it wasn't just my eyes, every girl in school flirted with him. I hated even remembering it, jealousy dosen't even start to explain how I felt.

"Thanks, I have to tell you something, but not here, I don't want my parents to hear" said Michael taking my hand as we walked upstairs, I practically knew his house as well as my own.

"Ok, ok, ok, what is it? You've already got me nervous" I said sitting down on his bed while I watched him pace back and forth in front of his bed.

"So...You remember that last gig the band and I did for my cousins wedding?" he said.

"Yeah, how could I forget? You and I almost fainted from dancing so much" I said laughing at remembering the thought.

He looked at me, his eyes glowing and said, "There was a huge record manager at the wedding, and he wants me to go in and play some songs, he told me this could be my big shot." I got off the bed and practically ran towards him, I wrapped my arms around his back and hugged him as tight as I could, smelling in his favorite perfume he always wore.

"I'm so proud of you" I whispered in his ear, "I never doubted you, not once, just promise me you won't forget about me when your rich and famous" I teased.

He let go of me and took a step back from me while grabbing both my hands firmly. "I will never forget you, your going to be by my side the whole way there, just you and me, no one else" he told me while never losing sight of my eyes.

You and me, me and you, us. Thats all I'd ever wanted, all I'd ever ask for. To hear him say it melted my heart. I tried to control my heartbeat but it wasn't cooperating with me.

We spent the entire day trying to choose a song he could sing to the record people. We went through dozens of songs, I could have been there an eternity and never gotten bored. His voice was that of an angels simply placed in his body. He then started singing, "I'm Yours by Jason Mraz" he got me up and we danced and goofed off til midnight. I remember passing out on his bed, I could remember his light touch carrying me towards my car, I could remember his breath on my ear whispering, "Goodnight sleeping beauty" before placing me in the car.

I could remember every single moment I ever shared with Michael. I could remember what it felt to live. That's the entire point, I can remember, so I'll never forget.

I opened my eyes to face my reality once more. I was at the pond in my neighberhood looking out towards the still water. Everything at that moment felt tainted. The water was a couple shades too dark, the sky was thundering, yet there was no rain. The grass was dry, and less green than the usual. And the one person who should be here with me was dead.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand the imperfection of the life in which I had to live in, I couldn't see past it, I couldn't see good.

I got up from my spot under the tree and got into my car and drove to a place I hadn't been in months.

I drove to Michael's home.

I got out my car after pulling into his driveway knowing exactly what I had just gotten myself into. I took a deep breath before knocking on the half white half glass door.

Michael's mom opened the door, her eyes reading the same anguish as mine. She took my appearance in, my new short hair, the same look in my eyes as herself, and looked at me in shock. "Wow Alessandra, I haven't seen you in a while" she told me before telling me to come in. I walked into the too familiar home with the same intoxicating smell of cupcakes, Michael's mother was a pastry chef, and her home always smelled like something sweet.

I actually hadn't seen any of Michael's family since the funeral. I thought I was helping myself by taking out any part of my life that involved him.

"Yeah, it has been a while" I replied. I had never thought about how Michael's family had delt with his death, the only thing on my mind was my own pain, I guess it's selfish, but when you're so far in with someone and that person leaves you all you can feel is the pain that courses through your veins, no one elses.

I sit akwardly in her large living room, she offers me something to drink, I tell her water just because the presence of Michael's home now makes my throat drier than a desert.

"How has life been since..." she asked me not finishing her sentence like my parents do to not mention the 'M' word around me.

I look down towards my cup of water, feeling everything come back to me, every single damn memory, every feeling, every laugh, everything. I look up at her trying to read her now emotionless face, she looks at me understandingly and dosen't question me any further as I just proceed to sit there still taking in the home.

"I have something for you, after my son's death we went through his room and tried to find keepsakes of him. But we did our best to keep it exactly the way he left it. There's a letter addressed to you from him, it's on his desk. I didn't even move it, nor read it. I thought you'd like to have it, you can go get it if you'd like" said his mother trying to keep her voice even.

I didn't know what to expect as I walked up those stairs back into his room once again. I knew the pain was surely to come, but I didn't know what to await in the letter, what could Michael have possibly not told me?

I opened his room door, to find his room almost exactly how he had left it that terrible day. I touched the bed sheets tears already streaming down my face. I went into his bathroom and smelled his favorite perfume that almost smelled like hazelnut. I sprayed it on, pretending I could smell it in his embrace. I ran my fingers through his CD collection memories flashing back through my mind. I opened his closet and found his large deep blue jacket that he loved, he had lended it to me a million times before, I needed it around my body again. I took it off the rack and put it on. I lay in his bed crying my eyes out staining his pillow with my tears. I didn't care if his parents walked in, or that I had ruined his rooms entity, it was all too much.

I curled myself in his bed and closed my wet eyes. I imagined him next to me, smiling showing his precious dimples. I imagined his sweet caress to my face as he'd wipe my tears away. I imagined him saying the three words he'd always tell me, "I love you." But I imagined it with a different intention.

I opened my eyes again and stared straight at his cluttered desk. I dragged myself from his bed and read the words on the top of the envelope addressed to me:

"To: Aless

From: Michael"

My heart skipped a beat, the note in my hands were some of Michael's last words to me, last thoughts, he never imagined would be his last. I grabbed the letter and ran out of his room, down the stairs and out of his home slamming the door behind me and entering my car.

I sat down out of breath, but still not being able to control my sobs.

I opened the letter carefully and awaited Michael's last words.


End file.
